Anal Pleasures

I’ve been asked to give my take about anal sex, and what I really think about it, so I thought I would go ahead and answer it in a post or two through my Ask Nicole series.

Anal sex is generally about the insertion of the penis, or penile like objects within the anus of a sexual partner.  Some people also include other acts within the term anal sex which include, but are not limited to rimming (licking or kissing your partners anus for erotic stimulation), fingering and object/toy insertion.

My Experience

I personally am not a huge fan of anal sex, however if Mysty is up for teasing my anus, whether via her tongue, or with some of our toys, I do enjoy it.  The main reason that I am not a huge fan is the dirty feeling that I get with having objects inside my anus.  I am afraid that there will be fecal matter all over the toy, even though there has been very little, I am still afraid that it will happen one day.

Before the first time I ever had anal sex, or even anal stimulation, I was very apprehensive, and had done lots of reading before hand.  I had read many, many articles about the topic, which alleviated many of the questions I had, however it could never answer all of them.

As I will mention later, it is a matter of trust with anal sex, basically you have to trust the giver to listen to your calls and when to back off if it hurts.  Trust is the biggest thing for people to build prior to anal sex, and that was my biggest problem, apart from the fecal matter, to being involved in my first anal sex act. I have never had anal sex with a man before, I have a trust issue with men, that is probably one reason I am a lesbian.

The first partner I had anal sex with was Mysty.  It was a few months after we got together and Mysty asked whether I was interested in her licking my anus.  I had never really thought about it until she asked me, and I was semi-open to it at the time.  Since this was my first experience, I was interested in seeing how rimming felt, and not actual penetration.  Mysty respected that, I knew that she wanted more, but she respected my wishes.  And that is totally about trust.

It was certainly very interesting the first time, I had mixed feelings about it, but there was a overwhelming positive feeling about that first time, and I was open to many more times following, each with increasing depths of penetration and larger girth toys.  I’m still not up to fisting of my anus, and probably never will, but I can now happily, and easily accept the average butt plug that can be found around the internet.

My Recommendations

Play Safe – Transmission of STIs is just as prevalent in anal sex as it is with other forms of sex, sometimes even more so.  The lining of the rectum is very thin, and blood vessels are prevalent and may be damaged during penetration if you fail to apply lubrication, and use inappropriate shaped toys, or even forget to trim fingernails prior to insertion.  Other aspects of anal play includes not inserting the penis, finger, or toy into the vagina following anal play, this is a definite no-no, and I would go as far as separating your toys into two categories, anal toys, and vaginal toys.

Lubrication – This is an absolute must, the anus is not designed with self-lubrication in mind, and as such lubricants should be used liberally and at all times.  This point cannot be emphasised enough.  The rectum does not produce its own lubrication, and even if it did, I certainly wouldn’t rely on it.  I have read many websites that reinforce the point over and over again, often saying that when you think there is enough lube, you still need to add more.

Start Small – There is nothing worse then trying to insert a dildo or butt plug that is much larger than a finger on your first attempt.  As I mentioned earlier, I have worked up to toys that are now considered average sized anal toys, it has taken me over six months to get this far, and mainly because I take 4 steps forward, then 3 steps backwards each time we attempt it.  First things that Mysty and I started with were bullets and smaller butt plugs.  They had narrow diameters, were relatively short, and the neck of the toy allowed the sphincter to return to its normal size once insertion had taken place.  And slowly over time we have moved to fingers, and now butt plugs.  Mysty takes the average butt plug very easily now, but that has taken her time as well.

Reciprocal Play – I think this is more for the man than the woman, but when you wish to initiate sex, have you thought about whether you would like what you are about to do.  Exploration with yourself is a good way to find ways that you find comfortable yourself.  When we were first starting anal play, there were times that I would play and finger my anus while in the shower, away from Mysty, and away from other distractions.  It also gave me a sense of cleanliness too.  It was during those times that I could appreciate the feeling of someone licking and kissing my anus, as well as inserting smaller butt plugs and bullets.  Without those alone times, and exploration, I don’t think I would be where I am today with anal play.

Preparation – You won’t necessarily find pleasure in anal sex the first time you try it, but with good preparation, discomfort will be minimised, and you will be more likely to give it another go.  This is more of a summary of the above four points.  Good preparation leads to a good experience, and increases the chances of wanting to try it again next time.  I know that the times when we were rushed, and didn’t lay down good preparation plans, I was more tense, and enjoyed it less.  I personally find that anal sex takes time, and taking time leads to better quality, and more enjoyable sex.

Is it for you?

Personally, I can’t answer this for you, it is a personal decision, and a decision that you need to make with your partner.  Anal sex requires trust from both partners in the relationship, and it certainly isn’t something that I would do on the first date.

I partly feel as though I have rushed writing this article, however I think it still gives some good ideas to at least think about when having anal sex for the first time, or even just thinking about anal sex, and what to expect from it.  There are many good sources with further information about anal sex, such places include The Real Princess Diaries by Alexa, and Always Aroused Girl.

If I have any facts wrong in this article, please forgive me, and correct me in the comments below – Nicole